Fart Squad by Seamus Pilger

Author:Seamus Pilger
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2015-03-10T04:00:00+00:00

“There’s nothing natural about these farts,” Darren insisted.

“It’s the burritos,” Stan explained. “The lunch lady doesn’t like to waste any food. So ever since the burritos got their bad rap and kids stopped eating them, she’s taken to throwing the leftovers in the microwave every day. At this point, they’ve been heated and reheated so many times they’re undoubtedly radioactive. I wouldn’t be surprised if they glowed in the dark!”

“So mutated beans turned us into mutant beings?” Juan-Carlos joked.

“Something like that,” Stan said.

“And you know this how?” Tina asked.

“Just by keeping my eyes open,” the janitor said. “Trust me, I take out the trash every day, and the lunchroom has never tossed out any uneaten burritos.”

“But nobody ever eats them,” Juan-Carlos said. “Unless they have to.”

“We did,” Tina said. “Because the B.O. twins swiped our lunches.”

“Wait a second,” Darren said. “What if the B.O. twins swiped our lunches because they wanted us to eat those toxic burritos?”

“Actually, they weren’t all that unappetizing,” Walter said. His bulging stomach grumbled. “Is it lunchtime yet?”

“Don’t even think about it,” Tina said. “We’re not peeling you off the ceiling again.”

Juan-Carlos was still confused. “But what was the point? Why would they want to force people to eat bad burritos?”

“I’m not sure,” Darren admitted. He felt like a puzzle was coming together, but he didn’t have all the pieces yet. “But I’m pretty sure it was Harry Buttz’s idea . . . and that he’s not done yet.”

Tina raised her hand. “If we don’t eat the burritos again, will our farts go back to normal?”

“Possibly,” Stan said, “but do you really want them to? Seems to me you’ve all been given some very special gifts. Smelly, but special.” His voice grew more serious. “You know what they say:

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